An sore thumb as always. In a home where lashing out and emotional manipulation is their definition of “maturity”, I find myself in a situation again where values, thoughts, ideas and situation-action mechanism overlapped. As usual I’d ask them calmly for what they need, but them being hostile just to get what they want, it deepens the wounds they inflicted for almost an eternity. I’m at already past my limit and at any point I could take harmful measures just to protect myself.
As always, I’ve never been their child. And my siblings doesn’t have respect to me, nor to each other themselves. It’s just the generation of my father and his siblings all over again. He passed the generational trauma he went through, I clearly understood that he doesn’t deserve that. But neither us nor I deserved to be treated this way. My siblings are taught with wrong values that even today, they conflict with their classmates. The idea of being hostile and thinking that you yourself is right just outright disgust me.
Here I am, looking at the cleared night sky with star and moon visible. Wishing that someday, maybe they’ll realize their mistakes.
But for me, all I can do is just do well at my studies and go outseas and never return to this abomination country ever again.